An early start heralded my departure from Cairns and the beginning of my "Oz Experience". I rolled up to the meeting point to be greeted by 'Sconzie', our driver and his big yellow bus! As time passed we realised we had a knob of a driver, he hated guys and had the conversation skills of an autistic koala! Our first stop en route was to "Johnstone River Crocodile Park", we started the tour with a hands on session with some animals, some people a little too hands on! James, a guy on our tour managed to somehow excite the baby crocodile to the point of orgasm - as it thrashed around, it flung semen over me and my Irish friend Orla. Not happy! The tour around the farm was really cool, the animals were incredible and their adaptation for killing was terrifying. We also had the chance to hand feed some Kangaroos and pet a Dingo!



From the Croc Farm we head to Townsville, Australia's answer to Aldershot. Thankfully we weren't staying, we simply caught a ferry over to Magnetic Island, so called due to Captain Cook's belief the island interferred with his compass as he sailed by on his voyage of discovery! The island was beautiful, as the sun sank into the ocean and fell away behind the island's rocky outcrops the sky was stained a vivid shade of pink. The hostel was in a prime location, perched amongst the rocks over looking the lolling waves. Unfortunately Cairns caught up with me and I wasn't up for anything other than bed! I took a walk to the supermarket, bought some supplies, dodged some fruit bats, ate and was in bed shortly after.

The next day we were back on the bus to Airlie Beach, Sconzie continued being a total retard but we all went for dinner with free beer - he almost choked which broke the ice a little. A night in my new favourite club "Mama Africa's" made up for missing a day of sun on the bus!

My final day in Airlie involved some culture in the form of a Didgeridoo lesson! It was great fun and surprisingly much easier than you would think. I got the basic sound down but the tunes were a little trickier, circular breathing which people use to make the continuous noise was near on impossible but our tutor said it comes with practice - once was enough for me!



Airlie Beach offered a welcome break from the manic lifestyle in Cairns, the whole town was a lot more laid back. Australia is proving to be a strange place, not what I was expecting, it's as I imagine 80's Britain. The Internet seems to be a real luxury and people don't seem to do a whole lot...I am aware I have only been to tourist havens but it all seems incredibly laid back to the point of being ridiculous and everyone is simply waiting for their next beer! I'm hoping as I get further south my stop offs will be less like incestuous hick towns. Even Asia has a McDonalds on every corner and despite whinging about this most of the time but you miss it when it's gone! Another observation is that the guys here are incredibly lecherous, one particular guy has tried it on with nearly every girl I've met! It's as if they've slept with all the girls in town including any relations still unlucky enough to have stuck around and now they just prey on drunken backpackers! I can't wait to get into a big city...

The time has come to say goodbye to Asia and I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty happy! The flight to Cairns via Darwin was fairly painless - immigration was a little hairy. A guy was waiting behind passport control to speak to me, my disorganisation in applying for my visa just six days before landing made them a little suspicious...I was taken aside and asked about my plans whilst in Australia, I've never felt so guilty in all my life. Convinced I wasn't planning on making a life here he wished me safe travels!

Onto a bus to Gilligan's, the party hostel of Cairns! Checked in, freshened up it was time for my first Australian backpacker experience - Goon. For those of you that don't know, Urban Dictionary describes it as "the cheapest possible cask wine". The ingredient list makes for interesting reading including fish, eggs and meat extracts. It is packaged in a box and a silver bag - the goon sack. It wasn't half as bad as I'd expected to be honest!

My second day was spent with Jodie, my lovely travel agent at Peterpans. She managed to get me to part with £455! This covered me for a trip to Fraser Island, a Skydive and Scuba Diving on the Great Barrier Reef.


I made a really nice group of friends and with the lack of activities in Cairns it was a good thing! Night two was eventful, we managed to get an invite to see a strip show in some guys dorm room - a very strange experience, not to be repeated!



A ridiculously late night ensued followed the next morning with a hideously early start to go diving. Remarkably hungover I hauled myself out of bed and ran to the marina. Rachel and I boarded Ocean Freedom just as the boat was pulling away! We lucked out with beautiful weather and I met with my Dive Master - here on in known as 'Sweden'. I had two dives on what is known as the "Wonderwall", it was incredible. I saw heaps of turtles and even lucked out, despite an irrational fear and instructions to Sweden not to point any out, I saw a sleeping reef shark! She didn't actually notice it at first, I thought she was just being nice. I'm glad I did spy a shark but I did keep my eye on it for a good while!

Diving done, the boat cruised to Upolu Cay - a cay is the name given to the first stage of reef island. We snorkled in the vicinity and Sweden showed us some cool things, I stroked a sea slug and a giant clam - eugh! Very satisfied we walked home where I bumped into some friends who convinced me to book onto the "Ultimate Party". A pub crawl in a double decker bus, now considering all of the bars in Cairns are less than 500m apart, it was pretty pointless! Not such an Ultimate Party it must be said!




My time in Cairns was pure party time really but I've met some nice people and enjoyed my time there!

For our departure from Kuala Lumpur we thought we'd explore the romance of the trains. Departing at 10.30 P.M. and taking what seemed like a lifetime, there was little romance. Paired with the inability of 90% of the trains passengers to close a door behind them meant Rachel and I, located by said door, felt none of the benefits of the sound proofing which leant itself wonderfully to a sleepless night. Of course the 6'1" bed didn't particularly help either! Anyway, grumble over - we got to Singapore.

Our arrival wasn't the grandiose affair I was really anticipating and if I'm honest, secretly hoping for. The station was fairly delapidated with no ATM and a remarkably scarce taxi service! The heavens had well and truly opened making our arrival slightly glum. Thankfully, we had learnt from our mistakes in Kuala Lumpur and pre-booked a hostel. The Welcome Inn was a bargain in Little India with a clean bed, warm showers and free breakfast and Internet.

The first proper day, sleep deprivation defeated, was spent doing my favourite thing in a new city. We went walking. I would love to tell you how far but Singapore subscribes to Asian map production:

1. There will be no scale whatsoever, you'll be lucky if the roads are even in proportion.

2. Landmarks will be highlighted along with some random hostels, shopping centers and restaurants even if this means sacrificing road names - they are after all surplus to general map requirements.

3. North could be any direction, in this case the top left hand corner.

4. Parts of the city deemed uninteresting will be completely omitted.

5. It will be pretty colours.

Regardless, we walked for a good few hours starting with a walk along the river banks which looped round into the Marina area which housed a great deal of malls and entertainment areas. It was awesome to see the CBD grow out of the horizon to dominate it's surroundings, the architecture around the entire area was very impressive - striking and worthy of any major city, that is of course if you stand with your back to their latest development by Sentosa island. A $5.5 billion dollar casino comprising of 3 very elegant towers...linked by a cruise liner on the roof - retarded isn't the word!




We also made a detour to see the 'Fountain of Wealth', the world's largest fountain...they forgot to switch it on! One upside to this disappointment was stumbling across Singapore's answer to the NEC in Birmingham, we wandered into every travellers dream - a food fair! Free food galore. Good times! The walk home become nothing short of an odessey, having walked so far whilst feeling failry perky, temperatures rose as energy levels fell! One bonus was that we found a food court - popular in Singapore, it's like a grotty version of what you may find at the bottom of most UK shopping centres but replace the massive chains with quirky independent vendors. This particular food court was home to a curry house serving what can only be described as the best curry I've ever had, 3 quid for the curry, rice and a naan plus an extra 2 quid for a beer. It was amazing!


Our next day was what Singapore was really all about - the ZOO! Shuttle bus there bright and early and we forked out $42 (SGD) - about 24 pounds which seemed expensive at the time but it was totally worth it and included the main Zoo, the Night Safari and the tram tour around the Night Safari. The zoo itself was amazing, the enclosures were beautiful and the animals looked happy. If you have ever been to an Asian zoo you'll know how much of a surprise this is! The whole layout was very open and put you very close to the animals. The highlight by far was the animal show - "The Rainforest Fights Back", we took our pew and waited for the show to start. A barrage of cheesey lines and corny acting opened the show which remained pretty constant throughout but it was a crowd pleaser. One of the tribal dancers made his way up to where I was sat and thrust his spear into my face, I reluctantly took hold and he led me down to the front of the auditorium - filled with around 300 people. I was then instructed to remove my top - done, they then gave me a shield and showed me some tribal dances - my turn! The only thing to do was get involved so I did, horrifically embarassing but hilarious!


Around 5 P.M. the heavens opened so we tried to find shelter. The zoo closed at 6 P.M. so we made our way to the Night Safari where we grabbed a bite to eat. I was gutted because my snappy happy ways in the Zoo had totally annihilated my camera battery - thankfully flash photography wasn't allowed so I wasn't missing much! Another animal show - "Creatures of the Night" (I managed to remain fully clothed!), there was real emphasis on conservation which I thought was really important. After this we took the tram tour around the park, I think this was more about the experience. The animals weren't all that spectacular, the bull elephant was impressive but they were pretty much the same animals from the main zoo in poorer lighting! The whole experience was creepy too, it was like Jurassic Park. All in all I had a fantastic day, worth every penny!

Our pentultimate day in Singapore was spent walking around 'Orchard Road', Singapore's main shopping district. It was a strange collection of budget sole traders and huge brands such as Gucci, Louis Vuitton and Prada. Seeing as both Rachel and I are on a budget shopping wasn't really an option so we head home via the MRT - Singapore's answer to the tube. I was blown away, punctual, spacious, air conditioned trains ferried passengers all over the city, very impressed!

The final day we checked out and arranged to meet up with Chris, Nicky, Mae and the Chubby One (Baby Lucie), they are friends from back home for those of you who don't know. A bit of confusion caused by the fact Nicky text me telling me to meet at the Banana Leaf Restaurant - not knowing there are about 30 restaurants across Signapore with a similar name! Thankfully we weren't that far from the correct one! Chris generously bought dinner and we ate like King's - the food was incredible and eaten completely from a banana leaf, clever name really! It was great seeing familar faces and finding out about the goings on back home. We parted ways around 6:30 P.M. and made our way to the airport - Singapore hadn't blown me away completely but I did enjoy my time there.

Whilst Singapore does present an extremely wealthy exterior, with an adequate understanding that pavements are actually walkways for pedestrians and not just storage areas for mopeds, bins or any other crap they don't want in their homes, the city still has a very Asian vibe. The Occident and the Orient have merged with a fairly strange outcome - a city lying somewhere between London and Shanghai!

As the train whisks me away from Kuala Lumpur, I thought I'd fill you in on the happenings in this city. Despite many warnings against staying here too long, Rachel and I actually ended up extending our stay. We arrived on the pimpin'est coach after ridiculous border beaurocracy, intense heat and swarms of bitting insects - didn't create a great first impression!

Dropped off in the centre of town at 5 a.m, we were a little surprised Asia had managed not only to keep to a schedule but actually be early! It was a miracle, unwelcome being kicked off our bus at such an ungodly hour but a miracle nonetheless!

Our experience therefore, began on the deserted streets of Kuala Lumpur. Issue number one, I had no money left in the bank, issue number two, rachels cards weren't working and issue number three despite being recommended a hostel by Kat and Robbie - we had no clue where it was! Once Rachel got her card working, Malaysia provided us with a sign...a big red sign intact, with an arrow...pointing straight to said hostel! Stood at the doorway to Reggae Guest House, a fourth issue presented itself when the man at the end of the intercom said there was no room at the inn. We ended up in 'Penginapan Pengembara Backpackers Travellers Lodge' - 'Hovel Hotel' for short! We stayed for 5 hours, used their Internet and booked the 'Classic Inn Budget Hotel', a charming little hotel kept meticulously clean by the friendly and welcoming staff in an awesome location! Due to moderate fatigue the day was written off, we did pop over the road to watch 'Clash of the Titans' which was what it was but we liked it!


The following day began early as we head to the Petronas Towers to bag one of the 1640 daily free tickets, sounds like a lot. We arrived at 9.30 a.m. - just an hour after doors opened and there were only around 300 tickets left! We booked onto the 6:15 p.m. slot, had a quick photoshoot outside and hopped on the monorail to Chow Kit Market. Now if you remember, I said Chatuchuk Market in Bangkok was an assault on every sense - Chow Kit declared full on war on my nose. I don't generally gag at smells but my word they were coming thick and fast with a pungence you could chew on! Surprisingly this seemed to lend itself to trying some of the food stalls, I tried a delicious samosa wannabe and Rachel bought some cakes clearly laced with E numbers!


With the delights of Chow Kit still fresh in my belly and searing my nostrils, we head to KL Sentral Train Station and booked our train to Singapore for the mighty sum of £8! Done and dusted, we head out in the blistering heat to the 'Lake Gardens' - the lungs of the city. We had a mamoth walk through a near on jungle albeit on a road, the surrounding flora was very surreal! Eventually, after much complaining from myself, we found the Bird Park which if you ever go to Kuala Lumpur you should definitely do. The park is split into 4 zones, each zone home to different birds - pretty standard stuff I know BUT many of the birds aren't caged, they just go about their daily lives as you saunter on by, it was incredible. We were also treated to the Bird Show, clearly aimed at kids but if you know me at all you'll know that that also means it was perfect for me - the culmination of this bird show was that I got to feed an eagle as it swooped out of a tree (I'm not going to lie, I was petrified it was just goin to go for my face!)


Suitably entertained and enthralled we still had the best part of the day to come, our trip up the towers! After a lot of to do about nothing and a video aimed at shameless self promotion for the Petronas company, we began our ascent up to the Sky Bridge in a lift travelling at 6 meters per second! Definite ear popping. Now at the Sky Bridge I'd hate to say I was disappoited but it wasn't as spectacular as I'd anticipated...of the 83 available floors, you only reach the 44th. It was an experience and it was free and I'd definitely recommend it but I don't think I'd go again! The end of a fantastic day was wrapped up quite nicely with dinner and drinks in China Town!


Our penultimate day was spent partially in Malaysia's biggest indoor theme park. Little did we know that the only ride worth doing was the rollercoaster, the rest of the park was crap! Still it's an experience to check off the list! The rest of the day was spent shopping in Times Square where I bought a horrendously gay shirt and a new bag. We napped and killed some time at the cinema, it was perfect staying just across the street!


Our final day in KL was a little bit wet. We took a stroll to China Town to do a little shopping but the heavens opened and we got stuck in Reggae Bar for several hours. It's insane, the weather and surroundings here are so similar to what I remember in the Amazon, just with a few more skyscrapers!! Malaysia has impressed me and I definitely recommend it and want to come back to see more...

Today I feel deserves another blog, less on my activity and more on my thinking. I've now been in Malaysia for two days and I think I'm in love. I'm aware my rants about the Thai people have soared to an almost xenophobic level but I just wanted to make ammends. I'm not racist and generally I can get on with most people but I challenge anyone to find a southern Thai person to befriend! The Malaysians on the other hand...they are a beautiful and harmonious people!

Walking the streets you see peoples from every creed, colour and religion living together. There is no hostility towards westerners, no money grabbing and bad mouthing - everyone is equal. Today I have been approached by Muslims, Hindus and Christians simply wanting to help or practice their English. I have been regaled with stories of trips to London decades ago and personally I love it. I feel part of a global community rather than a parasite. Anyone contemplating travelling should sack off Thailand and embrace Malaysia - it has all the beauty at half the price, more bang for your buck!

Preaching over, night all x

Another week has passed me by and thankfully, this week has delivered me from Thailand. Our stay on Koh Samui was reasonably relaxed despite the hoardes of Thai people trying their very best to extract every last denomination of their currency from our pockets. Having said this, the evening of the 30th was less than relaxed for this was the night of a full moon, heralding the infamous Full Moon Party. It was manic, Claire and I met up with Fay, Rachel and Megan  - the latter two we promptly misplaced! There were extraordinary numbers of people there but as always Thailand has found a way to bugger it up!