Whilst Pulau Madura was a nice enough place, the celebrity I was afforded by the locals was a little much plus my hopes of a nice beach to lie on were dashed by the incomprehensible amount of rubbish lying all over the place! I checked out of my box and head for the bus, a little old man pedaled me a long way to a group of jokers who wanted to charge me Rp. 100,000 for half a journey which I knew in it's entirety cost Rp. 10,000! A shady looking character emerged from a hole in the wall, gave me a toothy grin and led me over the road to where, to my great surprise I boarded the right bus to the ferry back to Surabaya. The actual process of boarding the bus was slightly hair-raising, the driver felt no need to actually stop, merely slowing a little would suffice - laden with all my worldly belongings it was hit and miss whether I would make it onto the bus in one piece - obviously I did! I'm quite pleased that I am coming to understand what things should cost and will often pay over the agreed price come journeys end but it's the principle!

The journey to Surabaya was fairly relaxed and the next few days passed with little to note! I visited a kretek factory, "House of Sampoerna", purely based on it being one of the limited things to see/do in the city. Kreteks are clove cigarettes which the Indonesian's are obsessed with, once the world's largest clove exporter, when kreteks became mainstream Indonesia had to start importing cloves to sustain the industry! The factory was fairly shallow with little more than glorified advertising for the company. What was amazing was the view across the factory floor, 400 women rolling cigarettes at phenomenal speeds , it was mind blowing how fast their fingers moved!

My next day in Surabaya was the day of reckoning, to Visa or Not to Visa? I arrived bright and early having visited an ATM to replenish my dwindling cash reserves! I balled out of my taxi into the bustling Imigrasi office and rocked up to 'Loket 1' where the kind gentleman who had processed my original application awaited for another round of 'Swap the Paper'. One form and instructions to go to the Kasir (Cashier!), handed over some cash and gained a new form, back to Mr Loket, more slips of paper exchanged hands and instructions to return at 2PM. Being 11AM and in the middle of nowhere, this was a little annoying to say the least! I plodded off down the 6 lane highway to McDonald's of all places where I whiled away my time abusing their free Wi-Fi. Two o'clock came and back to Mr Loket I went, this time he gave me my passport and told me to photocopy...my new visa! With the copy in my hand, I made my last exchange with Mr Loket - he gave a polite smile and uttered the word "Finish", joy!

Should you be looking for an Indonesian Visa Extension from Surabaya, click here to read about my experience.

With my spirits lifted, I returned to the Hotel where I spent some time checking flights and generally planning everything at the last minute as seems to be the case with much of my travels. Feeling fairly perky, I opted to head out for some food and practice a bit of Indonesian with disastrous consequences...I felt adventurous and wandered to a warung where I simply asked what they had and ordered a plate. Epic fail! Halfway through my funky smelling dish I realised what the little old lady had said was in this dish, just to double check I asked and her children behind her began to bark...Oh. Dear. God! Not wishing to offend the chef who was standing over me and grinning with encouragement, I attempted to hide what was left of old fido under the rice, paid my dues and made a run for it! Traumatised, I head for bed.

The next day, I checked out, hopped in a taxi and was in Surabaya Airport awaiting my 1:35PM flight to Makassar in Sulawesi with a connecting flight to Gorontalo. Sorry wait, no, this is Indonesia, the 1:35PM flight took off at 5:45PM, missing the connection and stranding me in Makassar a good few hundred kilometers south of where I wanted to be...no matter, I will prevail!

Rudy's kitchen!

Based on a complete lack of things to do in Surabaya, I was adamant I would not be trapped there for the entirety of my wait for my visa extension. Bags packed, I was on my way to Tanjung perak, a harbour to the north of the city, ticket bought, I boarded a ferry to island of Madura. A quick thirty minute crossing and I was helped onto the right bus to Bangkalan on the island's west coast. I quickly became a mini attraction on the bus and Rudy jumped in, Rudy was nice enough but I couldn't get over how camp he was and how much he reminded me of Kim Jung Il! He offered to take me back to his house (with his mother), I was a little dubious but I had heard that Indonesian hospitality knows no bounds so I thought why not. Once at Rudy's, he made me iced tea and gave me a platter of watermelon...to myself! He spoke relatively good English so we spoke for quite a while and he made some lunch, things became awkward when he offered me a massage - slightly perturbed, I made some excuses and made my way to a Hotel in town.

The box I made my home!

Hotel Ningrat was gearing up for a wedding as I checked into the box which was my room. I wandered around the...town...? If that's what you can call it. I quickly noticed that the locals are bewitched by me, I walked into a bustling supermarket and within seconds you could have heard a pin drop. I was frequently approached by younger people eager to practice their English and they told me they 'seldom' see Westerners - it shows! Everyone else will shout either "Hello Mister, how are you' or generally holler to make sure you know they have seen you. The photo requests also make walking down the street quite an ordeal.

Me on the Edge, the Edge...the Edge!

The day after my arrival in Bangkalan, I made my way to Sambilangan with the promise of a beach. I hopped on the back of an ojek (motorbike) and was off on a white knuckle ride across the island to the western-most peninsula. The journey whilst petrifying took me winding through some beautiful scenery and my driver dropped me at the isolated lighthouse on the peninsula, took my money and was gone. I had a long walk back! First, I ascended the lighthouse to get some fantastic views across the island and back toward the mainland. After many, many flights of stairs in the sweltering heat, I was a little sweaty, the descent wasn't much better! I began the long walk back to Bangkalan along the dusty and fairly deserted road, every now and then a moped would whistle by with a "Hello Mister" trailing in its wake. The sun was relentless, luckily I had my factor 30 on me otherwise things could have ended badly! I walked for the best part of 4 hours along the dusty roads through tiny villages, past beautiful mosques and picturesque scenery. The people were extraordinarily friendly, forever stopping to offer me a lift or just to say 'Hello', none of them could understand why I wanted to walk!

Sambilangan Lighthouse

Mercury and his Scouts!

About half-way into the walk, I stumbled past a Scout Camp, their leader invited me to come and speak to the kids. It was a bizarre experience - I'm fast realising there are a set of stock phrases that kids are taught and beyond that English doesn't progress in the majority of people! They sang me some songs and I realised time was fleeting so I made a move, whilst I was there, the local primary school had assembled to see what the fuss was about. As I left the village, I was followed by a horde of cheering children - it was quite cute really! Striking distance from the hotel, I stopped of for some water at a warung, the local men were enthralled and people gathered around to attempt to ask me questions. It's amazing that despite the fact they have so little, they will offer drinks and food to random people off the street. I've overcome my distrust of friendly Asian's, instilled by the money grabbing folk of southern Thailand and have begun to embrace their hospitality!  Finally home, I was repulsed by my own feet. A shower followed, harassment by the local prostitute and sleep...

Ghandi has nothing on this!

A slightly perplexed owl at the Bird Market

The next day heralded further cultural escapades. Up early again, we began the day with a trip to the Bird Market. It was slightly odd, you could buy everything from fruit-bats and owls to puppies and lizards - a witches dream! I wouldn't recommend visiting though, whilst the birds all looked healthy, the mammals didn't look as if they were having such a great time of it! We also took pity on the pedi-cab drivers who had to pedal us across town.

Next on the agenda was Borobudur, billed as Indonesia's answer to Angkor Wat, I was expecting big things! Tickets bought, sarongs (not entirely sure why) donned, we approached the temple, I was horrendously underwhelmed. The site was under renovation and it just looked tatty, I wasn't impressed - the sunset was quite nice though, even if we did have to hang around for ages to see it! Oh well, box ticked!

Standard. Saronged infront of Borobudur

 The next day was passed in the sun and exploring a local market, not a lot to report! The following day was Hemma's last. Having spied a bed-bug scurrying around my bed the previous night, I was less than rested. We lounged around until check-out and grabbed a taxi to the airport. For the first time in my life I rocked up to the airport ticket-less and bought one then and there (I found it quite exciting even if you don't!). Rp. 392,500 later I had a one-way ticket to Surabaya. Shockingly, Hemma's flight was delayed (mine was...early?!). The flight was amazing, Indonesian's don't care for the emergency exit seats so I was swamped in legroom, sadly I was also swamped in the sweat from the fat man spilling out of his seat and into mine. The flight was short enough for it not to be an issue, we flew beside two volcanoes which was an experience!

Attempted creativity at Borobudur!

Once in Surabaya, I found a hotel and head out for street food. The streets of Surabaya were deserted and it was only 7pm, it was creepy. I sat with some locals and tucked in to a very spicy Soto Ayam. I retired to my hotel fairly early - mainly based on the lack of things to do in the city. Another night was spent with blood sucking b*stards! My room played host to what I can only fathom was some kind of International Mosquito Convention. I woke up and my back was like a dot-to-dot and there had been such a frenzy that as I'd rolled over on the sheets I'd squashed numerous semi-full mosquitoes, the result was NOT pretty.

Day two in Surabaya, I meant business! Another early morning, a little interpretive dance (of sorts!) and I was in a 'taksi' to 'immagrasi' (crazy language but I see what they did there!). Due to visa restrictions and my poor forward planning, I needed to apply for a second 30 day visa on top of that which I was issued on arrival. The immigration office was bedlam, a mass of sweaty, clearly annoyed people milling around with about as much clue as to what was going on as I did! After several moments contemplation, I had my forms, partially filled them in and within half an hour I had a slip telling me to come back five days later. So. much. bureaucracy!

The Russian Submarine

Next stop was Surabaya Plaza for supplies in the war which was soon to be waged in my room. I picked up some mosquito spray which looked more like some kind of anti-aircraft gun - they won't know what hit them! From the bewilderingly complicated and dated 'plaza', I head to 'Monumen Kapal Selam', a Russian submarine bought by the Indonesian's in 1962 and used to adorn what Lonely Planet calls Surabaya's 'prime-waterfront development'. I scurried through the sub but due to the cramped and sweltering conditions, it wasn't particularly pleasant, a few snaps later and I was trotting down the waterfront to the 'Croco-Shark' - a statue which portrayed Surabaya's emblem, lord knows why! A toe stubbing from here left me bleeding and so I jumped into a taxi and head back to the hotel.

Weirdest Statue Ever?

 My return to the hotel saw a massacre, having been bitten on the eyelid...the EYELID! I was taking no prisoners, by the time I was done, the bathroom and my room's floor were littered with the twitching bodies of many many mosquitoes. A good nights sleep followed!

Slightly worse for wear, up at the crack of dawn, Hemma and I bid Rob farewell and jumped into a taxi to the train station. Arriving at 6:45am was upsettingly early for an 8am train! We bought our tickets, more expensive than flying and 8 times longer, take it on the chin! The day didn't improve with the upsetting breakfast of warm orange juice and a croissant with chilli salsa, not a winning combo. We head for our platform to await our train (late, no surprise there), whilst the seats were comfy, they seemed to insist on playing Indonesia's Top 40 from last month on a loop with some of the most infuriating jingles you can imagine. Shockingly we both managed to sleep and 8 hours more or less flew by. We had arrived in Yogyakarta! Tramping into Losemen Bladok, we were greeted by friendly staff, a swimming pool and complimentary tea - win. We had dinner in the attached restaurant and made plans to go and see some traditional dancing. A mini saga actually finding the place ensued only to find out we had been spun a web of lies by the Lonely Planet. There was no show for us! We trundled back to the hostel on foot, got lost toward the end and hopped in a taxi. With the night waning we had a cheeky drink in Lucifers Bar - an interesting take on a karaoke bar and wound up in bed fairly tired.

Sunday came and with it, our plan to visit 'Gunung Merapi' or Fire Mountain, one of only 16 volcanoes in the world to have been active for over a decade. Queue a taxi ride to a deserted bus station, a little haggling and the taxi was ours for the day for the handsome sum of £12.50. During my trip I seem to have developed 'transport induced narcolepsy', put me in anything moving and I'm gone! Makes the travelling part of travelling much less arduous.

Our first stop was 'Ullèn Sentalau Museum' which was just awkward all over. Our 'English speaking guide' clearly lied on her CV and seemed flustered at the prospect of actual foreigners, many questions were simply answered with a drawn out 'Yes' but she tried! Unfortunately they didn't allow photography in the museum which was a shame because whilst the objects on display were fairly mundane, the architecture was beautiful, it was like something out of Lord of the Rings! The tour was ended with a gingery spiced drink. Back to our taxi man who had taken the opportunity to catch up on some sleep...

Our driver roused, we set off for 'Hutan Wisata Kaliurang', the park within which visitors can admire Mt. Merapi from. We tried to decipher the map which was completely missing the central portion, i.e. the part we needed! I've used the term park very loosely here, it was an area set in a valley, with trees and a few outbuildings but littered with even more trees and the remnants less fortunate outbuildings. The surrounding valley walls were scarred by successive landslides, this, combined with Indonesian's apparent hatred of sign posts unless adorned with the words 'Keluah' (Exit) or 'Toilets' made locating the path our first challenge! Once pointed in the right direction challenge number two was navigating our way up the valley on a path which in places had slid almost 15ft down the slope and in other places had simply been replaced by sliding trees! an adventure if ever there was one.

Jenga, with trees.

Upon reaching the zenith of the crumbling path we were greeted by a Merapi engulfed in cloud - brilliant! The vista before us highlighted the volcanoes destructive force with baron hillsides strewn with lifeless trees and debris. Then, almost out of nowhere popped Mila - a rather eccentric Dane who joined us on our descent down the other side of the valley on an even more ridiculous path! We gave a passing visit to Tlogo Muncar - a measly waterfall and we all hopped back in the taxi and back to Yogyakarta.

Mmm, fishy!

Back in civilization,  Mila offered to take us for some street food in a warung - something Rob had specifically warned us against. We went anyway and it was AMAZING, 3 of us at and drank for the handsome sum of Rp. 23,000 (£1.40). Content, we parted ways for a few hours and later met up for a drink, she had some really interesting conversation in her - it was all OK until her douchey Irish friends turned up...time for bed!

Right so here I am again, blogging about my travels rather than firing off hundreds of emails individually!

For those of you who don't know, my good friend Hemma accompanied me on the arduous and delay ridden flight from Gatwick to Jakarta via Dubai. Granted our delays weren't particularly severe but delays before take-off, delays before landing and a failed attempt at landing tend to grate after a while!

Anyway, flying is boring! We arrived into Jakarta and I discovered Indonesia's first little nuances - Signs are for wimps. Fairly bedraggled and overwhelmed by everything going on around us, we finally found the forms we needed to get our visa and joined the queue of all queues! Annoyingly everyone with a child saw it as their god given right to be at the front of said queue - having a child is your choice, bringing them to Indonesia is your choice, these choices don't make you better than everyone else ergo, get to the back of the line!

Immigration out of the way, bags collected, we met up with my parents friend, Rob's driver - Zul. He drove us the hour long journey to Rob's compound. Once there, we showered, had some pizza and grabbed some much needed sleep!

After a fairly tumultuous nights sleep which I'm going to blame on the chronologically based abuse my body had been through in the past 24 hours, both Hemma and I woke fairly late! Rob's maid had laid on an amazing breakfast! Suitably fed and watered, we set about planning what we were going to do. Both Rob and the Lonely Planet said Jakarta was a hard pill to swallow so we looked elsewhere. On Rob's advice, we set our sights on Yogyakarta (Jogjakarta). Based on diminishing sunshine and rolling clouds we ran for the pool to catch some rays!

Poolside we did a little more planning and I played with my camera - I learnt quite a bit just with fiddling, probably quite obvious to those in the know but I was proud nonetheless!

As the evening rolled in (which is super early here - around 6pm!), we both showered and head to a Dutch bar by the name of 'De Hooi'. We ate, we drank and we ogled the hideous fat westerner and his meeting with a pimp and his hoe! Sly photo will follow shortly! Time flew, 1am rolled around and it was time for bed, a 5am wake up awaits us...

I feel a job in surveillance!